A daughter

Let's talk about my dad.

Today is my dad’s 70th birthday. Oh the plans we had. We had been talking about his birthday for months. We had grand plans, but as it happens, it did not quite turn out the way we had hoped. It ended with a little happy birthday, and his favourite ice cream - but it turns out, that’s all we needed.

ardamom at Ice Cream Union (and something called Kalamansi sorbet which was mind blowing).

Over the years, and with my line of work, we know from experience that when you plan too far in advance, bad things can happen and thwart your good efforts. It has happened many times, and hence my dad always keeps the phrase ‘everyday is my birthday’, and what a correct way to live. When you have seen so much adversity, we realise the importance of celebrating each day as though we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. But where does this come from?

As a doctor, I have seen the worst days of people’s lives. Honestly, working in A+E for over a year, you are continually faced with people experiencing their worst moments. It is a draining place to be. Hats off to people who choose it as a career. I remember one particular day where a patient was having a normal day, out playing sport, and had a seizure. He came into the hospital and was diagnosed with a metastatic brain tumour. For the non-medics amongst you, he went from being incredibly healthy to his family, to having weeks to live. His story always sticks in my mind as it was a stark reminder of how things can change in an instant.

And why does my dad carry this? Well, he has always felt that every day is a gift as he lost his father prematurely as a very young adult. Every birthday, you can see that he is truly grateful for having time to have spent with his family and so grateful for his health.

Everyone has a different relationship with their father. I know this all too well. I have close friends who have estranged fathers, alcoholic fathers, lost their fathers, never known their father. But it’s so interesting to me. On his birthday, he had a barrage of messages from MY friends. This is so atypical. But he is so open with his fathering to all of my friends, and always has been. They all see him in such a close way, which is so nice. When he was unwell, they came to hospital to see him, sent flowers, cake, cards - he really does spread his wisdom and care far and wide.

He is my soundboard for every silly idea. He challenges me every day. And he often says if something isn’t working out for me ‘ok, just give up then’. He knows this will trigger me into action if it’s something I really want to achieve. Oh the reverse psychology!

Us having an unplanned celebration (classy, his vibe)

If anyone is lacking this presence in their life, just let me know - he’s always happy to offer fatherly advice - something we don’t always realise how much we need. Let this be your daily reminder to cherish every moment you have, it’s precious, and we never know what tomorrow may bring.